Hi my name is Kirstin (pronounced K-ear-stin, for those who were wondering 😉 ) and I am a workaholic! So the irony of starting a business with the word “balance” in it, is the fact that my life has been so, how do I say… out of balance since I started it. I tend to live in go-go-go and a little more go mode about 110% of the time. Fail. I love to work because I’m literally obsessed with my business and I live in a constant state of elated and excited. It literally feels like Christmas morning everyday, except I am on crack and Santa is fit and puts kale in stockings 😉 . So it can be so hard to stop, until I have to…
Well, almost two weeks ago I got in a car accident. Yes, it was my fault (I am not claiming to be driver of the year *eye roll* ). No, no one was really hurt. I just walked away with some whiplash, back pain, a bruised rib, and no more Scion TC (you’ll be missed little one).
Since I take pretty good care of my bod, I expected it to really come through for me here. I legit had a conversation with it and was like “I treat you well, pull through for me here you hot thang”. Well… not so much, turns out I am not as nice to it as I thought and never really rested after the accident, which has made for a SUPER drawn out recovery. For those of you who know me, this doesn’t jive well. It takes a lot for me to get frustrated, but when I feel limited physically, the irritation comes out. I don’t like to ask for help because I like to do things myself, and clearly have a good amount of pride to work on, after writing this past sentence 😉 .
Cue Complaint: I haven’t been able to workout, I find myself getting tired easier and feel like I have been half-****** everything just to get by- talk about perfectionism stretching. (I promise there will be a learning lesson that comes from this.)
The other day, I was driving in the car (safely 😉 ) and thinking about how annoyed I was that I was in pain when I still had so much to do that day and was already feeling tired. I was on the verge of tears and then suddenly was like “what the H am I doing?!?!” Why must I keep pushing myself beyond my limits, why can’t I rest, where is this coming from??? So of course the psych and counseling degrees came out of me TO me and I was like “oh my gosh I don’t like appearing weak and I don’t know how to just be”. That’s right, light bulb moment with my rock star therapist (AKA myself). My self-care has gone out the window and is basically nonexistent. But what the heck, I thought I was past this??!?!? Nope, around that mountain once again and here I am.
Basically that revelation was like a hot minute ago, so I can’t say I have put a ton of new practices into effect since then. I can tell you that I basically cleared my schedule for the next three days to truly TRY to rest, give my bod a break, and take better care of myself. I need to get back into yoga, some prayer and meditation, and practice on just being. Literally, hardest thing in. the. world. I don’t want to live having each moment of the day planned out and I want to be able to impact the world without losing myself in the process, because then I am no good to anyone. Double fail.
Initiation of these new processes will be effective immediately! I am going to start my day with some good ol’ stretching, meditating, praying, and not thinking about what I need to do that day. I want to clear my mind, hand it over to God, and let it be (easier said than done). #goals