I think it’s important to share my process with you guys because I have met with so many people who are all in a similar place as me. Although it difficult, being vulnerable through this season connects us, shows my humanness and allows me to show you guys what a process it all is.
If there is anything these past eight months has shown me, is that stepping out in faith does not get easier, you just begin to trust God a little more each time. There is still that gut wrenching feeling, knots in my stomach and breathlessness at moments (ok every like moment), but I start to build traction when I look back and see all the ways God has pulled through in the hundred times prior and there is comfort in that. So, in these moments I cling to those reminders. But, isn’t that crazy? He does like a million things for us, comes through SOOO many times and then we step out in faith like it’s the first time, forgetting all the prior times God has more then come through and when He hasn’t, it has always been in our best interest. What is up with that?!?!? Clearly, I am still a faith amateur…
Many of you do not know this, but I have been nannying for the last couple of years to bring in a consistent income, while Tomas built his business and then to supply a source income, while I started to build mine. It has been such a blessing, it is unreal. I am obsessed with the family and they have been so good to me. They have been amazing with me over the last year as my schedule became crazier, less predictable and more chaotic. They worked with me every step of the way and were so understanding of my dreams, it’s ridiculous. I kept them in the loop along the way and I think we both did not anticipate The Balance Culture to pick up so much traction, so fast. What started as “this will just be a fun thing that I build up on the side” to “hey, so now there is a blog, now a nutrition practice, now a studio, now a team, now a following, now a culture” was never imaginable from the beginning (it has yet to sink in friends). They worked with me every step of the way and kept telling me “just let us know when it all becomes too much”….
Well, I reached “too much” about a month and a half ago, but I pushed it. The repercussions of that can be found here. One of the very difficult decisions I had to make was giving the nannying job up. It was so hard for sooo many reasons. A few of them were the fact that I obviously loved the family, the security it gave me financially and the security it was to my schedule. You planners understand what I mean. I like my routine. But, I had to do it because if not I was going to have to sacrifice the progression and momentum of The Balance Culture and potentially loose it all. It was just too much for one person.
This was a HUGE leap of faith. This was basically me stepping out and saying, “OK, all hands on deck, there is no back up plan here”. By choosing this path, I was forfeiting my very good and secure income for a lot of unknown variables, at a time where I needed the money more than ever. Side note: it costs a lot of money to renovate and start a studio, who knew? 😉 . All financial responsibility would land on Tomas and I was just going to have to trust. Trust God, because I knew He was leading me to do this and even though I was scared “ish”less I had peace… You know what I mean? I have found that I can make pretty much any scary decision even if it doesn’t make sense to the natural eye, if I have my little friend peace by my side 😉 .
So, here I am a week in and still just as much fear as I had when I started, but I’m doing it. I am relying 100% on God and what I believe He has called me to and I’m pushing forward. The thoughts are still there. Sometimes I feel like I hear a million voices in my head making me question it all and sometimes I feel like I am on top of the world living out the very thing God has called me to and more alive than ever. I am learning to quiet those doubting voice and continue to put action to my faith, even when I don’t feel like it. Usually, 10 times out of 10, I don’t feel like it, just so you know.
So, just so you know, I am in the same place as a lot of you. We are all on this life journey together and so many times we feel alone, especially with our fears. I will tell you that I have met countless of people through this process and we are all in the same place trying to combat those fears and hope we make it to the other side, just to find more to combat. But hey, with fear also comes a strong comfort in knowing it’s not on us, God’s got this! We just need to be open. That’s pretty freaking freeing…
So, if you find yourself in a similar place, I invite you to join me on this faith journey as I continue to push the envelope, do things that don’t make sense even to myself, and step out like I never have before because let’s face it, the alternative is boring and we can’t be boring 😉 . Wanna join?