Grief Months Later

I thought I would give a brief update on where I am at with all the grieving stuff after losing one of my best friend’s Danae several months ago. Honestly grieving her death has been one of the most complicated and unpredictable things for me. I hate that the hard moments come out of nowhere with no warning. There will be a few days where she will subtly cross my mind but all in the best ways with great little memories. Then out of nowhere it will hit me like a bus and I can’t stop thinking about her, how much I miss her, how unfair that she isn’t here, and every little thing reminds me of our good times but it makes me sad. 

I hate the unpredictableness of all this but I have chosen to embrace it and work through it even though it sucks. Ugh it sucks. 

One thing I have not been able to deny is how much she has caused me to strive after life hard. I am not a fan of wasting time and she has taught me how brief life can be and to not take it for granted. I can honestly say since her passing I have done this. I have made decisions faster, taken leaps quicker, and set fear to the side at exponential levels compared to before. (Ex. Studio expansion and many many things in the works) 

So much of what I do is done in honor of her. I would do anything to have her alongside me but I really do feel like she is. I’m not a theologian and I don’t know how all that stuff works but I can say that I feel her nudges and things come into my life that she has something to do with. I picture her having conversations with God saying things like “let’s rock Kirstin’s world in this way” and a crazy opportunity follows (phew that’s so personal to share)  but it seems to help because I really believe it to be true. 

She not here but I am thankful that she continues to be active in my life each day and I feel it. 

Nae I miss you, keep those nudges coming doll…

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Manuela Moriello
    February 2, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    I’m sorry this has happened. I have never lost a best friend but recently I have expierenced something that has felt like death. There are no words to explain and we try to find understanding but one thing I can say is
    Through our sufferings we receive blessings. The blessing is we overcome the pain through God and wait for the breakthrough. he sets us free. Me too it hits me out of nowhere and then out of nowhere God makes beauty out of ashes.
    Breakthrough! I was in such a dark place I thought I was never going to overcome what I went through I never felt so much pain in my life . But God rescued me. His spirit lives inside of me as he does in yours and I praise him everyday! I’m so thankful. I wanted to share this testimony with you. I’m being pretty transparent right now but I wanted you to know. God showers beautiful blessings over you. I love the expansion and love all the new classes. The balance culture is such an awesome place! Thank you Kirstin!
    I hope you have a nice day!

  • Reply
    Julia Ferguson
    February 3, 2017 at 10:50 am

    I love you!!! It is amazing to see you live with such fierceness. You are AMAZING! 💛

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