Mercy 2.0

You guys these last few days have been a whirlwind. If you have been following along for awhile you know that I have shared that I am not an emotional person (almost to a fault), I will tell you all today I have felt like at any moment I could burst into tears (both happy and sad)…

If you don’t really know my story and for this to make sense I would say start with this post.

A few months ago Nancy (the owner/founder of Mercy Ministries) and I got in touch about me coming and sharing with the residents of the Nashville home about my testimony (of struggling with an eating disorder) as well as some fitness and nutrition information. She has been so supportive towards all things Balance Culture and that has meant so much to me, you couldn’t even begin to imagine. She follows everything we do and emails me on a consistent basis about all of it, this is so special to me and I am forever thankful that she continues to be such a big part of my life 10 years later.

The Nashville home wasn’t the one I went to but it is very similar, so even though it wasn’t the same place I had a flood of memories come back and was really impacted by being there.

From the second I walked through the doors, I experienced the same love I felt 10 years ago instantly. The staff and girls were so sweet and within moments it felt like home again. For the first time EVER I wasn’t nervous to speak, I think this was really because I felt so comfortable and I knew the things God has placed on my heart to share with the girls and I was pretty confident in that.

I shared my testimony and about life after Mercy. I think this was so important for the girls because while you are there you feel like life starts and ends with Mercy when in all reality it is a launching pad that sends you forward into life in a stronger, healthier way and life is just beginning! They had such great questions and in a small way I really felt like I was making an impact.

One of the best parts about being there was hanging out with the girls during meals and just around the house. I love speaking but there is also something about connecting with girls one-on-one or in small group that is intimate and personal and you can’t really experience that when speaking to a large crowd. Having this time with them was irreplaceable and filled my heart in ways I never even imagined.

Many of them shared their stories with me and in those moments it was so easy to put myself back at Mercy to the girl I was 10 years ago. I was able to feel and experience the very same things they are going through now. It was 10 years ago, but it also was not THAT long ago and those highly emotionally experiences somehow feel just like just yesterday.

I remember the self-hate, insecurities, anxiety, fear, and nerves. Having so many issues and problems and not even knowing where to start…

On my second day there I spoke about the power of your mind and affirmations (you can read more about that here) and I shared about the pathways in your brain and I was able to illustrate on a white board while I was explaining what I was talking about. I explained that I used to have horrible thoughts and feelings about myself, and I began to write some of those things down, “I am ugly”, “I am disgusting”, “I am worthless”. As I wrote those things on the board as an example a huge wave of emotion came over me and I was so upset, I tried to keep it together but I really felt like in that moment I wanted to cry, I couldn’t believe I used to see myself in that way so much so it pained me to write it. I also knew that there were about 30 young girls sitting in front of me that could highly relate to the words that were written on that board and it shattered my heart into a million pieces.

The crazy thing is that I know so many women feel that way and it breaks my heart and kinda makes me angry at the same time. I hate that negative thoughts have weaseled their way into our minds and made us think these things to immobilize us from ever moving forward to in the things God has called us to. If my self-worth is crap I am not going to want to do anything big because I REALLY don’t believe I can do it.

I literally feel outraged by this and it made me want to come back home and empower women in a way I never have before. We think we are the only ones that feel that way, when in all reality most women feel that way and this majorly pissed me off!

What would the world be like if we thought positively about ourselves, you can’t empower others if you aren’t feeling empowered yourself! I feel like I could write forever about this, but for the sake of this post I’ll just share that looking into these young girls eyes and seeing the things that have happened to them and the way God is working to change them from this point moving forward is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced.

I know I was there and had that very same experience but it is so different when you come back being on the other side. You see it from a totally different perspective.

I say all this to say that when I came back home I felt like my mission had been ignited. To know that I have the opportunity in just a couple of months to spend a week with young girls through our BC Girls workshop and already start to impact their minds before the world can get to them, gave me such a passion I can’t even explain.

Mercy made me really nostalgic but in a weird way made me want to push forward even more in my future. I see how I am just getting started and want to take it up a thousand notches! I want The Balance Culture Studio to continue to be a space and place that women feel empowered through fitness locally, I want the blog to continue to reach women globally, and I want the nutrition counseling and private sessions to continue to impact women personally. I am so thankful that I have an amazing team that has come along side me and made this their mission. If we can impact the world of women in even a small way I would consider that an amazing victory!

Us ladies gotta stick together! (kissy face emoji 😉 )